next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
