Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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