Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
