Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
