Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
