I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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