Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
