Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
