Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
