She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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