im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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