Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
