So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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