I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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