I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the day after is always just damage control
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
