I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
