yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
