Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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