Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
