At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
