I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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