I'm going to jail i love you
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
