Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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