I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
