I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The feeling are messing with the penis
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
