Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
