If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
