I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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