it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
