So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
