Got a toothbrush?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
