I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
