I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
