can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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