If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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