I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
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