she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
