You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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