I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
