You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
