fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
