The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
