He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
