Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
