I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
