We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my sisters under your porch take her home
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
