wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
