we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
And then he peed in my hair
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
