I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
