I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
