I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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