ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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