Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
